May I digress a little and share some personal thoughts with you?

If it’s OK, I’d like to kick off my shoes, get comfy, and simply relax from a reasonably trying week or so.

As I sat down to write it was like being at the starting line of a race, hearing the gun go off, and not being able to move a muscle instead of running the race.

I was tense and somewhat paralyzed to move forward.

I attempted to key down in order to write what was on my heart.

Nothing!

In many ways it was as if I were trapped in a prison of thoughts, wanting to be on the other side of the gate and walking toward the light of day peering in through the windows.

Allow me to explain.

As I have shared previously I am currently not working outside of the home, except for driving for a local limousine service, as my former employer and I parted ways about three months ago.

For the most part I have been OK.

I have had more “up” days than “down” days for which I am grateful.

Certainty has existed simultaneously with the uncertainty of what my future holds.

How can that be?

The certainty exists in knowing who holds my future.

It exists in knowing He has never failed me and is always with me.

He has not only heard my prayers, He is answering them.

I will remain with my eyes on Him as He forges out the next leg of the journey.

However, I must be honest.

I am ready for this season to come to an end – Soon!

Last week I had several favorable interviews with a prospective employer.

The jury is still out on what is happening in those circles with the verdict expected in the next week or two.

If you care to whiff up a prayer or two it would be appreciated as I see a “fit” with the position and the employer.

The day before my interview I got a call from my doctor’s office.

It was one of those calls which no one really cares to receive.

Allow me to paint the backdrop.

A few days before Christmas I felt some tenderness on my right side which was persisting and, since it was in the middle of the night, a visit to the ER ensued.

I thought it might be something with my appendix.

I was asked to give a sample of “liquid gold” and blood was found in the specimen.

A CT scan was subsequently ordered which showed evidence of a small kidney stone and the suspicion that a smaller one had passed without me knowing, causing the tenderness I was sensing.

Upon discharge I was informed that a follow up appointment with an Urologist would be scheduled.

This appointment occurred two weeks ago or about a month after the ER visit.

The physician assistant explained to me what he observed via the original CT scan and he outlined the plan of action which was two-fold.

First, a cytology study was to be performed.

Translated, another specimen of “liquid gold” was obtained and this time they were looking for evidence of cancer cells.

Awesome!

A few days later, the non-welcome phone call came with an announcement of the following result – “Diagnosis: suspicious for transitional cell carcinoma”.

My ears perked up on the last word – carcinoma.

A few days followed and blood work was obtained.

Those reports came back with all parameters well within the normal range.

Another CT scan followed, this time with dye injected to show contrast and having to ingest some yummy (not!), milkshake-like liquid.

I was scheduled to have an in office procedure performed, a cystoscopy.

What the heck is a cystoscopy, I thought?

I will attempt to explain it in code, albeit discreetly.

My cameo appearance on “My Manhood TV”, where the bladder was going to be shown on the big screen, occurred earlier today.

Trust me when I say, being in “show biz” was not at all glamorous.

The test could not remotely qualify under the label “Good Time”.

As we met with the specialist today, the results were discussed immediately.

The additional CT scan showed no abnormalities.

I won an Emmy for Best Supporting Actor in the film, Bladder Cam and the Clean Slate.

Silent prayers of thanks were offered!

Some follow up tests were scheduled a few months down the road, but the immediate storm has passed.

For those of you who offered prayers on our behalf, I thank you for doing so as we attempted to keep this low profile until we had more information.

Why have I been so “up close and personal” about my saga?

My educated guess is you too have had your share of uncertain moments.

Although we tried to keep things in perspective and our eyes on God, at time the thoughts lingered inside – unexpressed.

It has been a week wrought on the battleground of thoughts – wanting to think the best, but knowing the possibility of something to the contrary could surface.

My mind raced back to the day I was with my Mom and Dad nearly fourteen years ago when Dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer.

To him, it was a punch in the gut like no other and I did not want to hear any news like it.

Thoughts like, “What would you do if this was your last day?”, circled my wagon.

I wrestled with the thoughts of my wife moving on without me and wanting more time to share the journey together.

I thought of my daughters and their husbands and praying this was only a test.

I especially thought of my grandchildren and not getting to see them grow.

What got me through this test?

• Unequivocally, prayers prayed on my behalf were a source of comfort and a direct connection to my results.
• I had a dream a few nights ago with the following words displayed on a banner hanging over my bed – “Expectancy = 0”, as in expect zero issues.
• Jackie was reminded of a phrase heard on many a Saturday mornings during childhood – “This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. It is only a test! ”. It applied.
• I centered my thoughts on what I knew to be true instead of what seemed to be true.
• I got my emotions out of the way and sought the positive.
• I focused on the promises in Scripture and listened to one song over 100 times – much peace surrounded me.
• I recently wrote about Living Fearless! – I had to put my own thoughts into practice.
• In the long and the short of it, whether I live or whether I die, I am Christ’s. My life is His. He can do with me what He wants.

Thank you for allowing me to digress a little on this post and for providing the escape valve to get out what has been bottled up inside of me.

It helped tremendously!

I am breathing a little easier and am thankful to God for His care and seeing me through this storm.

The writing block has disappeared!

What tests has He brought you through?

Photos Courtesy of Brittany Castillejo and Bruce R. Cross